Change is Good...Even When It's Bad

Change is one of the most uncomfortable and pushed against human experiences. Most people just don’t like change. Change of any type causes one thing or many, many things to be viewed through a different lens and even though this feels uncomfortable, it is a good thing if we will open ourselves to find the good and seek out the opportunities.

There are two types of change – unexpected and self-initiated. Neither is necessarily any easier, one is certainly more shocking, both can benefit an individual by way of learning more about themselves and the world around them. Any change can open doors that were closed, ignored or perhaps even previously undiscovered.

Unexpected change usually comes from outside of us – minor things like a different postman who comes at 4:00pm instead of at 10:00am, or a bank that suddenly starts charging a service fee, or our favorite lunch place closes. Major things - someone dies or gets very sick suddenly, a spouse or partner says they’re leaving, a disaster destroys a home. Even things with a global scope - the economy stumbles, a trusted entity fails, a war is waged. Countless situations can come up, affecting us closely or from a distance, catching us by surprise and leaving us on shaky ground. We may have had some part in it. We may have had no say in it. No matter, adjust or perish. The feelings run the spectrum from uncomfortable to devastating. The difference to anyone in a situation of change will be based on whether they stand still or move and if they react or if they respond. Throwing one-sided logic and emotion into the mix adds another layer of confusion and fear.

Self-initiated change can be just as difficult. You may know you need to leave an abusive relationship. You may know you need to re-invent your business. You may know you need to lose a hundred pounds to live. Knowing those things doesn’t make taking action any more comfortable.

When things stay the same, even if they’re not the best they can be, we feel a sense of security. We have a routine. We’re used to feeling the way we feel even if we don’t feel good. We’re used to the people around us even if they’re not nice. We’re used to the work we do or the business we run even if it’s not what we really want. We’re used to having our own brand of drama to deal with every day. We can be as unhappy as a person can be with our regular daily activities right up to the point where change is introduced – then all of a sudden everything seemed perfect and wonderful the way it used to be.

I am a decorated veteran of change – as the Changer and the Changee. I’m still surprised when change comes into my life, and I still kick and scream and push against it for an appropriate scale and amount of tantrum time. Then I think about the ways I help others manage change and try to apply that to myself. And kick and scream some more :-) No matter the change, no matter who or what or why, it really is what you want to take away from the change that will be the difference maker in a successful, happy life. It’s nothing more than a decision. Once you make the decision to deal with it, you’re on your way. It’s when you avoid dealing with change that you’ll find trouble in some form or another.

Reaction to change is human nature. Response to change is a decision you make in favor of yourself. If change has been thrust upon you in your life, throw a tantrum appropriate to the situation, get over it and take the opportunity to think about how to make things better for yourself instead of how to get them back to the way they were. Although change is difficult, there is no prize for standing still.

It’s not just the Pollyanna attitude of “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. It’s also about “when the bird of paradise is doing its business on your head, you’d be wise to move out from under the shelter of the tree”.

When you're finished changing, you're finished.
- Benjamin Franklin

Who's on First?

Life is a busy place. Hopefully you have a routine to handle all your busy-ness and ensure that everything is prioritized and all of the most important things get done during the course of a day. By the way….What are your priorities?

If you have a thousand things to do and places to be and things to accomplish and social networking sights to update...what gets your primary attention? I'd like you to give some thought to what you choose to put first. I find it beneficial to my life and my business to choose people and the IRS….in that order. If either one are tugging on my sleeve, that gets prioritized.

Prioritizing human being-ness is critical to your vitality and the vitality of your relationships. Genuine interaction with real people is what genuine, real life is about (good, bad, happy or sad). On any given day if I have a choice of looking someone in the eye, holding a hand, or sitting down knee to knee with a person to offer or receive guidance or reassurance, that will always be my first choice. What's your first choice? Do you make it consciously?

If having an on-line presence is part of your social or business strategy, you may feel the computer beckoning to you even when you know that you have more important issues to deal with. What happens if you don’t Tweet all day? What happens if you don’t post a blog post for a week? Will you suffer unrecoverable losses? Will the whole world forget about you in the course of a few days? Immediately run over to un-follow you? Hardly. Those who are truly interested in you and what you have to offer will stick around to see what’s next. Even if it’s just a chirp or a post to say that you’re busy with life but will return shortly.

The internet is terrific. The internet has allowed people and businesses to connect, serve and prosper worldwide. What’s most important, though, is tending to the things that are truly important to your life on any given day. If it takes you away from your virtual social connections or marketing strategy, don’t panic. Most of the world will still be waiting outside your virtual door….maybe even with anticipation. My two thoughts for today:

1). The people with whom you can share direct eye contact ~ be they personal relationships, business associates, or customers ~ should have the highest ranking on your priority list every single day.

2). How can I miss you if you never go away? (not applicable to the IRS)

I've Got a Secret. . .

For centuries people have been in the business of selling secrets - secret potions, secret methods, secret paths to riches and happiness. The selling of “secrets” really becomes popular during times of trouble, fear or stress. You may be looking to uncover a secret right now. What’s the secret of a successful business? A successful relationship? A successful diet? A successful investment portfolio? There’s a lot of people out there willing to share their “secrets”….for a price. Here’s my Tip o’ the Day:

There are no secrets. There may be things you don’t know, haven’t heard or don’t understand….but there are no secrets. Don’t buy the snake oil.

Partly for entertainment and partly for research, I seek out those in the world who are selling secrets and try to figure out their angle. There seems to be a never-ending stream of people and businesses who will tell you exactly how something works once you click on the “Pay Now” button or submit your gold card number for their $3,000 weekend seminar. What a rush as you process that payment and think “Finally! The secret! Now I’m all set!” That will be the case for a handful. The majority will feel taken and not understand the thing they paid to understand any more than they did before they donated their life savings or they won’t be able to reasonably fit the methods into their lives. So they go off disappointed and do one of two things - look for the next secret to buy or get frustrated and stop trying to better their situation.

As a consultant and a person who has bought some snake oil in my time (haven’t we all clipped that coupon for the x-ray vision glasses out of the comic book?), I can share some wisdom that will be useful as you look for that special expertise you need in whatever area of your life you feel you need it. Here are a few things to consider before parting with your money:

• How much information are you getting up front? Is it pages and pages of flowers and butterflies and vague insinuations without any real hard facts about what you’re purchasing?
• How willing is this person (or business) to give you the basics of what they’re offering and whether it’s meant for you before you part with your money?
• Is there an outline available of methods, requirements and a verifiable track record of this program’s effectiveness?
• Who is the person (or business) anyway? How do they know so much?
• Does it make sense to you? If the basic up-front information doesn’t resonate with you, you’re not likely to understand the particulars.
• Have they labeled it with some ridiculous name?
• Is it offered at a price that if you don’t do it or don’t understand it you can live with the loss of that investment? (so the x-ray glasses didn’t really work….$3 of allowance and a lesson learned)

In reality, people can’t work for free all day every day outside of a commune, so you can’t believe that just because someone is trying to sell you something to help your situation that they have the nefarious intention of grabbing your money and leaving you in a cloud of dust with a poorly written e-book. You just need to get clear about the information or assistance you think you need and take responsibility in the process. Gut instinct and things your momma told you are a great starting point. In other words, if it seems too good to be true it probably is. Another good one – trust is earned not given. A reputable business, coach, consultant, etc. will tell you right up front what you’re getting and give you enough detailed information to know if it will actually be of benefit to you.

It’s good to gain knowledge or talent in an area that will help you be successful and happier in your life or business. You deserve to know up front, though, what it is you’re buying and what's required to make a reasonable decision as to its benefit to you. Most of us have learned that when we see “Buy my secret information or you’ll be destined for a life of failure and bound for hell” that’s just extortion….we grab our wallets and run away laughing. Many still need to learn and be aware of the subtleties of how to tell if something will work for them.

(pssst….it’s no secret…) Any person or business who really wants to help will not only tell you up front what’s involved, what's included, how they came to know what they know, what’s required of you and how much it costs, but they will also have a disclaimer in standard size print, easily locatable - maybe even in red italics - that tells you who will not benefit from what they’re offering. Shop for guidance and information as if you were sampling tidbits at the warehouse club on a weekend....is it something you think you'll like? does it look good? smell good? can you get enough of a taste to know for sure? who makes it? what's in it? what does it cost? how much do you get for that price? All things that shouldn't be a secret in expertise you purchase or the sausage you serve to your friends and family. Oh...and remember what your momma told you....don't go shopping for food on an empty stomach with a pocket full of cash.

Work It

You will have an advantage in life if you find a way to change your feelings about “work” because like it or not, it is an activity that we all must participate in if we want to get stuff done.

There’s an old saying “hard work never killed anybody”. I’m sure somewhere along the line it has, but most of us do get through a spell of hard work and live to see tomorrow.

I am an enthusiast of the idea of “work smarter not harder”….

….and of what Confucius say – “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”

However - there are two realities that come to mind when discussing working smart and having fun doing what you love: 1.) it takes “work” to get to that point, and 2.) no matter if you’re spending your days doing mostly what makes your heart sing, there will still be “work” to do somewhere in your life….dealing with a cranky customer, cleaning the gutters on your house, or getting your taxes done. There will always be “work” no matter how hard you work to build a life where nothing seems like work.

So it’s not a matter of banishing “work” from your vocabulary or life, it’s a matter of being able to respond peacefully to the word “work” when it rears its head. This is especially important if you find yourself doing work that you don’t love as a path to get to work that you believe you will love. If that’s the case, keep your eye on the prize. See your current work not as pointless toil, but as a trek you have to take to reach a wonderful destination – enjoy the scenery, take in the experience, and anticipate your destination with gratitude and joy. Be sure and share that gratitude and joy with others along the way because if you get snake bit, you’ll want them to bring the anti-venom.

It will help also if you get out of your own head. Any work that you don’t enjoy or that feels too much like “work” is benefiting or going to benefit someone other than you in some manner great or small. Even work that seems like it is all about you touches someone else in some way. No man is an island. Try to figure out how the work you have or need to do is going to make someone else’s life a bit happier and hold those people in your mind as you work. It’s hard to come up with a connection sometimes, but that in itself gives you something to do while you’re doing the work you don’t necessarily want to do.

And once you arrive in the Land of Milk and Honey, there is still work to be done – someone has to milk the cows and harvest the honeycomb and clean the gutters. Don’t hire it out. Take your turn. A little hard work never killed anybody.